i promise i didn't die! i did not. i haven't updated this in a year. it's because i built a new neocities! i wasn't happy with this one, but editing things over wouldn't have helped, i feel. sometimes you need to start over. so, what's been going on? well, i've been feeling terrible for the most of it! i've been burnt out through and through. and i still am. i think about all the stuff i could do and i don't feel better. because i know i'm not gonna do it. but what can i do. you know? i might get a chance if i put myself out there. someone might like my art and my writing if it put it out there. and it's not like i wouldn't want that. but like. i don't really wanna get out of bed. i just wanna rot my brain out watching tiktoks. and maybe laugh. and maybe cry. but really, that's just it. maybe i'll gain the confidence, and start caring more. but now i'm just tired, and i'm going to be very tired for a long while. speaking of tiktok, i'm mostly active there. and i mean. it's fine. it really is just fine. i mean, it's funny? and sometimes i learn stuff? but i mean yeah. then again, i'll have some edit show up in my fyp and be like "how did they do that?" and i start feeling bad all over again. but it's still a good edit. it's still good. i don't wanna take away from that. i've just been feeling a lot of guilt lately, i think. okay, i say all of this stuff and it might be worrying, but i don't know, i'm not. i still have stuff that i'm really looking forward to. oh, speaking of, i watched both into the spiderverse and across the spiderverse a few days ago. really awesome movies. i'm not into marvel, and i don't know a ton about spiderman, but this was really easy to get into. and it's genuinely amazing. i love the main four characters from across the spiderverse sm :] OK ok speaking of animation. from what i've heard, a lot of people are praising elemental? so it's not as bad as everyone thought no? if i'm not misunderstanding things. it's already out in the US, but it released later down the month for my country so i'll have to dodge spoilers like absolute hell. same with ruby gillman. say what you want, i think it looks amazing. the style is really cool, and you could argue unique. from what i've seen it has something of a story that's not told... too often? i mean, it is, but i wish i could've gotten more stuff like this when i was younger. also ruby might have a bit of the tism, so do i. so we can agree there. but again, end of the month. also yes, i'm planning to do stuff with my friends as well, but i'm not sharing it like. here. yknow. idk. also i'm still deep into a stanley parable fixation. it's been going on for months it's not even funny. it kinda happens with a lot of special interests. they might go dormant for a bit but they always come back to haunt me. which is cool but also like. yknow? like why can't i just be more of a normie and get into like. i dunno uhhhh stuff like genshin impact, or popular anime. or like medivial fantasy stuff. or like webtoons. like no, i just physically can't honestly. my heart doesn't lie there. it lies in games and cartoons that nobody gives a fuck about honestly LMAOAO though i could talk about how everyone kinda misinterprets tsp and its characters for hours but like i digress yknow. i think i'll let ppl just enjoy things and i'll just focus on school and stuff. but i don't know. what am i gonna do when that's out of the way? again, i don't know! i don't wanna pick up a pencil. or my guitar. so uh. here's to nothing! well i'm drinking coffee and it's like 2 AM. so maybe that'll suffice.

i'll have a lot of free time soon, but usually i don't really think of it as a good thing? being busy kind of gives me something to do. i'm already lonely out there and i'm just gonna be lonely at home. it's whatever i guess. i wish things were good again. i'm just. bummed out. and knowing me i probably will be for a long ass time. it's whatever. i'm kind of just chronically tired and that's okay.

ok hi i exist!!! a lot of personal stuff's been going on. also again my memory and attention span have never been that good so i saw this coming. i watched a lot of stuff. that i did. i don't know how to talk about it extensively but maybe i will one day. i just have a lot of ideas on my mind at the moment. excited for mcc. just learning about new things. also i got my ipad!! it's fun to mess around with. it feels a lot less stiff than drawing on my laptop, and yet less professional? i guess that's just that process of adjusting to new stuff. also i'm actually learning how to paint i think. learning about art is doing me some good, i think it helps me in just doing my own thing too. i wanna put myself out there someday and i guess that's just my way to get started? anyway, i've been fine. i'll be fine.

i'm quite alive! yes yes indeed. just drinking coffee. i'm really excited for mcc today!!! it's later in the evening for me tho :( i wish bbh could've gotten in (and i wish skeppy would bother participating) but it is what it is! i don't know which team i'm gonna watch yet? i'll have to see!! but i have snacks for it >:) i bought them yesterday with the money i still had left! they're gonna be far from fresh but yknow they're edible!!!! I THINK I HOPE also i think i developed an obssession with iced coffee and i have no fucking idea wHY??? IT'S JUST SO GOOD? FOR NO REASON? I DON'T KNOW BUT LIKE??? i also need a bag/pouch thing for my polaroids. i don't want them spread around everywhere yknow SOBS. also thinking about how i want that samsung flip phone. like the third one. it's really cool and i want it really badly but it's so expensive??? like BRUH!!!! imma just wait!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm aiming for an ipad first though. with the pen it has some use for me. i guess. who is reading these? i don't know but i hope ur having a good day nonetheless.

i haven't talked in a while! sorry for that. i told you i don't have the best attention span. eh. i don't know. not a lot has been going on lately. i'm watching uhh. quinton reviews' second victorious video (yes i am going to hell). i don't know what to do after. i keep telling myself to play some games. and i wanna. but eh. i always just go to bed instead. i don't know why. i'm still trying my best.

nothing much happened. things are fine, i guess? yeah. one of my sketchbooks is coming to an end and i'm editing something. i made an oc but i'm worried that it's similiar to a canon character. it's always a worry i have. i wanna make characters but they wind up being or looking like another character for some reason and it just discourages me. i don't know. otherwise things are fine. i'm trying to feel better.

i couldn't do much yesterday since my website was down for some reason? yeah, i don't know if it was just me or everyone. eh. it's up right now so, uh, blog entry? i'll add some other stuff in a bit though. if i have time. eh. i ate some nice snacks today. but i also overslept something. i hope i'm not gonna get yelled at tomorrow. actually praying at this point. i also had a panic attack but i'm not going to specify. i feel better now though. i calmed down. i just hope it doesn't happen again soon. i also feel a headache coming back. hoping it goes away. i also wanna work on something for my tiktok? i never posted there and i kinda wanna find moots and maybe new friends. i'm just kind of sick of being this alone, yknow? i just want new connections. and for old friends to come back, i guess? i'll think about it.

that depressing cocoa and that agonizing headache i got this morning. wasn't a good start. but it got better later on. i got to work on cool stuff. i made my own font! i'll provide a download link for it. it'll get updated, since it's still a work in progress. it's free to use but credit would be appreciated. also don't use it for anything commercial :( i also made two buttons and a blinkie. i'll put them in the home section in a bit. also for some reason tommy is destroying the new prime path that badboyhalo built and it's. like i genuinely just feel upset and uncomfortable. he's just okay with destroying it with no regard for the hard work bbh, sam and ant put into it? okay. whatever. jesus christ. no respect. eh. i'll cope. things are good otherwise.

okay i found chocolate. but it's these with oranges inside. or caramalized orange stuff. eitherway it's really weird. i can only barely tolerate it. today has been okay. not that eventful. i'm currently working on my own font. not saying for what but you'll probably see. i hope to use it for future stuff too. i keep having a few songs on loop that aren't even on my playlist here. i'll probably add them after i'm done. i still have a ton of stuff to do but i'll leave it for later. i just wanna wind down honestly. i'm glad stuff is more eventful though. i think i'm doing okay.

i haven't made a post in some time. two days, actually. i guess nothing much happened. i want to do something more fun soemtime soon. i feel comfortable being all by myself but going out there and just doing some other stuff sometime? ye. it's finally friday, and i'll use that to my fullest. i think things are getting better with my friends. just not with my parents. i don't know. i just hope i don't die. i guess it sometimes feels like i'm dying. when everything is really overwhelming for me. when i just want a piece of mind. but i'll get out of here soon. hopefully. i'm looking forward to it.

as far as i'm concerned, i think i finished the site? the thumbnails make it all look weird though, it's kind of annoying. but i'm mostly done. maybe i'll add a few things here and there, but yeah. this is okay. i'm very tired and have a headache. other than that, i'm alright. i wanna add some more stuff for the site but eh. i don't know. i'll think about it tomorrow. i'm just gonna lean back and relax a bit now. my life isn't too eventful. i still have to watch a ton of stuff. but no. lazy. and tired. very tired. maybe on the weekend. also the thought of making an utauloid came up to me again. i love utau stuff and i always wanted to make my own voicebank. i think i kept giving up due to some errors. or it's just me being lazy and unwilling to dedicate myself to do the recordings for the voice. and all that stuff. i guess i'll think about it. thinking about what how my life will be in a few years. hopefully a little better. i'm craving chocolate. unfortunately it's late and i have none.

there's probably not much i can think of saying right now? i'm still working on the site but who knows, i'm getting busy again. besides, i need some rest and stuff. i have some fun things planned and on my watchlist but i always end up being too tired instead. maybe that's what i get when i stay up for that long. i'm also wondering why some pens have caps. unless you're gonna do something creative with the cap, or it's a fountain pen, there's not much point to it. i kind of wish i had one of those really good pens, but i imagine they'd be more expensive, and i wouldn't know how quickly they'd run out. maybe i'll look into it. i still have stuff for the site planned, i just need to regain some energy. i also wonder if my friends ever mind that i don't talk too much. i'm used to not talking about myself or the stuff i'm interested in, or it's just not in my focus at the moment. maybe one day. i'll probably just go to bed and figure stuff out from there.

i don't know who's reading this, but if you are, hi! i hope you like the music and the other stuff i did so far (you can tell i really like alternative, rock and vocaloid music). i'm not done with this site as of now. i'm working on adding some fun links and other stuff right now. i don't know. i always kind of wanted my own little website. i remember being on deviantart and spending a lot of my time decorating the boxes before the eclipse theme got implemented. i also have a weird fascination with the old web, old media and tech stuff. i mean my site screams anything but old but it's to my liking! that's all that matters, really. also yeah i made the clippy image down below. obviously not everything, i had to get the textbox, clippy and the font from other sites and stuff. i mean i hope you like it??? i'm still thinking about what to add. i was thinking of a guestbook but only if i can figure out how to moderate it? if that makes sense? i mean i don't mind if you don't like it, not at all. i think you can express those things quite well. i just don't want spam, off-topic or unconstructive stuff. though i'm gonna enable comments once i'm done with this site. not that i'll really be active. the weird thing is i'm either focusing too much on the wrong things or not at all. i give up on and pick things up in... very long intervals. i think that's understandable? eh. whatever happens, i'm probably still alive. i'm probably just gonna find more stuff to clutter this website with. which i'm doing right now. also the fact that i can see the views for my website is actually a bit scary? i mean is that just me? or other people? both? i mean i'm figuring out stuff by trial-and-error if it isn't obvious. so that might boost up the views. i feel a bit ashamed by other people looking at this though. like i'm trying yknow! i don't and i can't learn through lessons and lectures. i just kinda have to be interested and just do it. i don't know. i'm really not good at this, sorry. will i ever share my art? maybe through small doodles but nothing big. i don't know. i wish i could get myself to bring my art and my ideas out there. maybe i'm just scared. maybe i'm lazy. maybe someday. maybe i'm getting too personal right now. also, i'm oddly craving grapes. i'll check the kitchen soon.